Etiqueta: Humor

[Hum}– Sex and the elderly

The eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination, the doctor said,

—You are in fine shape for your age, Mrs. Green, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?

—Just a minute, I’ll have to ask my husband—, she said.

She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled out loud:
—Bob, do we still have intercourse?

There was a complete hush; you could have heard a pin drop. Then Bob answered impatiently,

—If I told you once, Irma, I’ve told you a hundred times. What we have is Blue Cross!

Courtesy of Bob Meehan

[Hum}– El visitante

Un perro un tanto viejo entró en el patio de una casa.

Por el collar que traía y por lo bien alimentado, Peter, el dueño de la casa, dedujo que tenía dueño, pero un dueño que no lo estaba cuidando bien.

Con toda tranquilidad, el perro se le acercó a Peter, que lo palmeó un par de veces en la cabeza, y el perro lo siguió al interior de la casa, se echó sobre una alfombra que había en una esquina y se quedó dormido.

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Después de una hora, se acercó a la puerta y Peter lo dejó salir.

Al día siguiente el perro volvió, saludó a Peter en el patio de la casa, entró, se echó en el mismo lugar, y durmió por casi una hora, repitiendo lo del día anterior.

Y así siguió por varias semanas.

Intrigado, Peter escribió una nota y la colgó del collar del perro. La nota decía así:

«Al dueño de este lindo y cariñoso perro quisiera preguntarle si sabe que cada tarde su perro viene a mi casa a dormir una siesta».

Cuando al día siguiente llegó de nuevo el perro a dormir su siesta, traía colgada del collar una nota diferente a la puesta por Peter, una nota que decía:

«Este perro vive en una casa con 6 niños, 2 de menos de 3 años. El pobre animal está tratando de poder dormir. ¿Puedo ir con él mañana?».

[Hum}– No sex since 1955

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

—Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?

—Negative, ma’am. Just serious by nature.
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said,

—It looks like you have seen a lot of action.

—Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said,

—You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself.

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said,

—You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?

—1955, ma’am.

—Well, there you are. No wonder you’re so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!

She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to «relax» him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said,

—Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955.
The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, said,

—I hope not; it’s only 2130 now.

(Gotta love military time)

Courtesy of Bob Meehan

[Hum}– Drinking and driving

I would like to share an experience with you all, about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many glasses of wine.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I’ve never done before – I took a bus home.

I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got this one.