—Lo siento, le queda poco tiempo de vida, tendrá usted que dejar el alcohol, el tabaco y el sexo.
—¿Y así viviré más, doctor?
—No, pero se le harán los días más largos.
Categoría: Humor
Chistes de aquí y de allá
[Hum}– Sweet wife
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband’s advice.
—What do you think? —I asked —. Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?
—Better get a bikini, —he replied—. You’d never get it all in one.
He’s still in intensive care.
[Hum}– Three missing toes
Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was very nervous. Her mother reassured her,
—Don’t worry, Maria, Tony’s a good man. Go upstairs and he’ll take care of you. Meanwhile, I’ll be making pasta sauce.
So, up she went.
When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says,
—Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a big hairy chest.
—Don’t worry, Maria, —says the mother— all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He’ll take good care of you.
So, up she went again.
When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother.
—Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he’s got hairy legs!
—Don’t worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony’s a good man Go upstairs and he’ll take good care of you.
So, up she went again.
When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs.
—Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a foot and a half!
Her Mama said,
—Stay here and stir the sauce.
Courtesy of Bob Meehan
[Hum}– Honestidad consentida
[Hum}– Couple sex
An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him,
—Grandpa, what is a couple sex?
The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she’s old enough to know to ask the question, then she’s old enough to get a straight answer.
Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities that go along with it. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement. Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her,
—Why did you ask this question, honey?
The little girl replied,
—Well, Grandma says to tell you that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs.
Courtesy of Bob Meehan
[Hum}– A woman and her doctor
Doctor: «You are looking very weak and exhausted, madam? Are you properly taking the four meals a day that I advised?
Woman: «Oh, my God, you said four meals? I thought you said four males!
Courtesy of Esteban Zajia
[Hum}– Anciano al volante
La Guardia Civil para a un anciano que va conduciendo su coche a las 3 de la madrugada. Con extrañeza, uno de los guardias le pregunta que adónde va a esas horas.
El anciano contesta: «Voy a una conferencia sobre los efectos del alcohol en el cuerpo humano, y sobre los daños que producen el tabaco y el trasnochar».
Con sorna, el guardia le dice: «¡No me diga! ¿Y quién y dónde da esa conferencia a estas horas de la noche?».
El anciano contesta: «Pues mi mujer, en mi casa»
[Hum}– Rest rooms,.. according to women
Courtesy of Eva Matute
[Hum}– Los pros y contras de madrugar
Soy tan buena persona que no madrugo para que Dios ayude a otro.
Padronel 