A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks,

—Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?

The agent replies,

—Just a minute.

—Thank you—, the blonde says, and hangs up.

Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was very nervous. Her mother reassured her,

—Don’t worry, Maria, Tony’s a good man. Go upstairs and he’ll take care of you.  Meanwhile, I’ll be making pasta sauce.

So, up she went.

When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says,

—Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a big hairy chest.

—Don’t worry, Maria, —says the mother— all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He’ll take good care of you.

So, up she went again.

When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother.

—Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he’s got hairy legs!

—Don’t worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony’s a good man Go upstairs and he’ll take good care of you.

So, up she went again.

When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs.

—Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a foot and a half!

Her Mama said,

—Stay here and stir the sauce.

Courtesy of Bob Meehan

An 8-year-old girl  went to her grandfather, who was working in the  yard and asked him,

—Grandpa, what is a couple  sex?

The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she’s old enough to know to ask the question, then she’s old enough to get a straight answer. 
Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities that go along with it. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement. Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her,

—Why did you ask this question, honey?

The  little girl replied,

—Well, Grandma says to tell you that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs.

Courtesy of Bob Meehan

Doctor: «You are looking very weak and exhausted, madam? Are you properly taking the four meals a day that I advised?

Woman: «Oh, my God, you said four meals? I thought you said four males!

Courtesy of Esteban Zajia

Courtesy of Eva Matute

One child wrote the following: 

«We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa.

They used to live in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Batemans Bay where everyone lives in nice little houses, and so they don’t have to mow the grass anymore!

They ride around on their bicycles and scooters and wear name tags because they don’t know who they are anymore.

They go to a building called a wreck centre, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now. They do exercises there, but they don’t
do them very well.

There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts!

Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night, early birds.

Some of the people can’t get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked centre for pot luck.

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too.

When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren».