[Hum}– Divorce sentence

—Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully —the divorce Court Judge said—, and I’ve decided to give your wife $775 a week.

—That’s very fair, your honor —the husband said—. And every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.

[Hum}– Sweet wife

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband’s advice. 

—What do you think? —I asked —. Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?

—Better get a bikini, —he replied—. You’d never get it all in one.

He’s still in intensive care.