Categoría: Humor

Chistes de aquí y de allá

[Hum}– Irish. Paddy and the traffic

Paddy was in New York.

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, «Okay, pedestrians». Then he’d allow the traffic to pass.
He’d done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, «Pedestrians!» for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said,

—Is it not about time yet let the Catholics across?

Courtesy of Carmen O’Dogherty

[Hum}– Cosas de las que me he percatado hoy

  • Que la esquina de mi casa está dos veces más lejos que antes
  • Que, además, en el camino a casa hay una pequeña subida en la que antes no me había fijado
  • Que los peldaños de las escaleras son ahora son mucho más altos
  • Que no sirve de nada pedirle a la gente que hable más claro, porque todos ahora hablan tan bajo que no se les entiende casi nada
  • Que la ropa que quiero comprarme la hacen ahora tan apretada, sobre todo en la cintura y en las caderas, que me resulta muy desagradable
  • Que la gente ha cambiado. Ahora es mucho más joven que cuando yo lo era, y, por otro lado, la gente de mi edad es mucho más vieja que yo. 
  • Tanto es así que el otro día me encontré con una antigua conocida, y ha envejecido tanto ¡que no me reconoció!
  • También he dejado de correr detrás del autobús, porque me di cuenta de que ahora va  mucho más rápido que antes

De todo esto caí en cuenta esta mañana, mientras me arreglaba frente al espejo.

Y, a propósito, ¿se han dado cuenta ustedes de que los espejos ya no son tan nítidos y claros como hace 50 años?

[Hum}– The box under Bill & Hillary’s bed

When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said,

—I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.

In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.

She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was such a box with such contents. That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner.

After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying,

—I am so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?»
Bill thought for a while and said,

—I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.
Hillary was shocked, but said,

—Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I am very disappointed and saddened by your behavior. However, since you are addicted to sex I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad considering your problem.
Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill,

—So, why do you have all that money in the box?
Bill answered:

—Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash.

Courtesy of Bob Meehan