Etiqueta: joke

[Hum}– Interview to a male beer drinker

*Lady Interviewer: Do you drink every day?

*Man: Yes.

*Lady Interviewer: How much a day?

*Man: Around 3 six-packs, starting at noon.

*Lady Interviewer: How much does a 6-pack cost?

*Man: Roughly $10.00 at a deli.

*Lady Interviewer: And how long have you been drinking like that?

*Man: 15 years.

*Lady Interviewer: So with a six-pack costing $10.00, and you consuming 3 six-packs a day, you are spending roughly $900 each month. In one year, you would then be spending $10,800, correct?

*Man: Correct.

*Lady Interviewer: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 on beer, not accounting for inflation, 15 years puts your spending roughly $162,000; correct?

*Man: Correct.

*Lady Interviewer: Did it ever occur to you that if you did not drink for the last 15 years, you could have bought a Porsche?

*Man: Do you drink?

*Lady Interviewer: No.

*Man: So. where’s your Porsche?

Courtesy of Silvia Otsberg de Navarro

[Hum}– Is that one word or two?

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. 

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They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

—How do you feel about sex?—, he asked, rather tentatively.

—I would like it infrequently—, she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered,

—Is that one word or two?

Courtesy of Oscar del Barco

[Hum}– Irish. Going to heaven

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets,

—Do you want to go to heaven?
The man said,

—I do, Father.

The priest said,

—Then stand over there against the wall.

Then the priest asked the second man,

—Do you want to go to heaven?

—Certainly, Father—, the man replied.

—Then stand over there against the wall—, said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and asked,

—Do you want to go to heaven?

O’Toole said,

—No, I don’t, Father.

The priest said,

—I don’t believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?
O’Toole said,

—Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.

Courtesy of Carmen O’Dogherty